I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY OBLIGATORY SEETHING RETROSPECTIVE
I say it every year, and I'll say it again this year. I hate it.

Hate it hate it hate it.

And yes, it IS because I'm angry and bitter at the world, thank you very much.

So there's my lil retrospective bird-flip to St. Hallmark and his bloody valentine origami littering everyone's mailbox but mine.

Yes, it hurts, those seething little papercuts from cards never received, those pricks from thorns on dozens of roses never sent. How the hell is anyone alone on this horrid day of cooing couples and velvet boxes containing sparkling diamond rings supposed to feel?

Rejected. Outcast. Isolated. All of the Above?

This year was different, though. It was self-inflicted. I chose to be alone. And sober....

In fact, I didn't care. I felt okay being by myself. I proudly said a resounding "NO." when people asked if I had plans for the 'big day'. It wasn't until I realized that my sneaking suspicions were right, and I had been left behind somewhere. I hate being a ghost from the past and a skeleton in the closet. Like all the progress I had made went out the window and I ended up ten steps behind where I started in my efforts to move forward.

I'm at a crossroads. I know I'll end up taking the road I've travelled a thousand times before... but the question is, how soon will I turn onto it? Will this time be different and I can finally have found that elusive shortcut to the light at the end of the tunnel?

It sucks when you don't want someone anymore... but you want them to suffer the way you did when they tore out your heart for no good reason. Preachy self-righteous bastards telling you, 'Someday you will know the happiness I have found without you.... I am alive and better for having left you behind.'

You know what I say? I say I will be there to see you fall flat on your arrogant face. I will be there to see your precious Troy burn to bitter tear-streaked ashes. I will witness it, and I will say merely that justice has been done. No more malice, no more rage, no more sadness. Just hardened conviction and the hope in hell that what I've found is what I've been looking for my entire life.